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May 19
2015

Reasonable Client Sighted!

Posted by Dean Scott in Untagged 

Dean Scott

The quiet town of Goose Creek, Kentucky (Pop. 272) was disturbed this week by a sighting of the legendary Reasonable Client. This mythic creature rarely shows itself and is notable for its calm and accepting nature. A local veterinary clinic was the location of the sighting and while the staff was excited about the encounter, they wished to maintain their anonymity.

"We just don’t want a lot of gawkers and amateur sleuths tramping around our backyard," the veterinary receptionist who identified herself as Thelma told reporters before going on to describe the creature. "He walked upright, ya know, like a real person. Stood about 6 foot 4 inches. And he had gentle eyes. You could tell he was a gentle soul by his eyes."

The owner of the veterinary clinic, Dr. D, seemed still stunned by the encounter. "I never really believed they existed. I mean, I’ve heard the stories, but as the years go on without ever seeing one you start to question. After all, our unofficial clinic motto is We Care For the Pets of the Questionably Sane and Reality-Challenged. But now…… .I’m a believer!"

Apr 04
2015

The Life and (High) Times of Hello Kitty

Posted by Dean Scott in Untagged 

Dean Scott

Stokes-Hello-Kitty2-1200

Born Josephine Baker in Tupelo, Mississippi, the middle child in a litter of seven would go on to become the (in)famous Hello Kitty. The dark-eyed kitten with pure white fur first came to the attention of famed musical producer, Jon Destin, when he saw her in a sixth grade stage production. "I was simply visiting my cousin, who's daughter was also in this play. It was a musical rendition of Schindler's List and Jo just blew us all away, not only with her singing ability but just her stage presence," he explained. Negotiations quickly ensued and contracts signed. Josephine started, as so many do, on the Mouseketeer Club Show. A former fellow member of the club, who spoke under anonymity, told us, "I don't know what they were thinking. The "Club" is not a place for any child. We were completely unsupervised and there was a great deal of what you might call "experimenting" going on. And besides, she was a cat. In a "Mouse" club. Really poorly thought out."

Josephine appeared in small roles opposite big-name movie stars in-between her shooting schedule for the Club. Film critics started taking notice of this tiny, but amazingly self-possessed young actress. It was in her second season when the problems started. Arguments erupted with other members. She started showing up late, went missing for several days before arriving as if nothing had happened. "There were definitely times she showed up high and/or drunk on the set. Her parents were useless in trying to tame their little money-maker." She did not renew for a third season. Three months passed without a word. Then her first album was released and tour dates announced. Josephine Baker was repackaged and delivered to the world as Hello Kitty. The album was a megahit and merchandising for anything Hello Kitty continues to this day, driven by the 9 - 14 year old female demographic. However, with each successive album, though 'tweens slavishly bought them up, the quality started to ebb, with critics pointing out the derivative and generic nature of the songs. "In one song all she does is repeat 'meow' to a syncopated beat. Purina did that in the 70s!"  With each album, also, Hello Kitty, who had legally changed her name, seem to become more and more unraveled.

hello kitty limo
As Hello Kitty disembarked from her limo, she revealed not only does she not wear
Hello Kitty underwear, she doesn't wear any underwear at all.




Mar 08
2015

Pet Personals Column

Posted by Dean Scott in Untagged 

Dean Scott

Dogs Seeking Dogs

Alpha dog seeks submissive dog for light BDSM. Must have own leash and collar. Send inquiries to Fifty Shades of Greyhound. Mail#34290

Golden Retreiver seeks life partner. Enjoys long walks on beach, good food, rolling in anything smelly. Will share ball. Send inquiries to High Hopes. Mail# 42187

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