apcalis online apotheke gУМnstig bupropion sr pille libido sinemet rabatt online doxycycline pille qlaira rabatt venlor wikipedia bactroban generika indien china zyban tablets price ginseng pille siberian strattera online kaufen grifulvin v online bestellen online rabatt erythromycin es preisvergleich nicotinell pflaster singulair rabatt online prescription amoxicillin online apotheke adults aricept rabatt online youtube allegra pille bupropion sr preis dosage rumalaya preis himalaya temovate generika tabelle arava online bestellen gУМnstig medrol online bestellen ikea billig chloramphenicol apotheke voltaren zУЄpfchen preis shatavari price per kg rogaine 5 preisvergleich beard lipitor price drop lipitor rezeptfrei online doxycyclin rezeptfrei schweiz rogaine 5 medikamente use ditropan generika indien reisen confido durchschnittliche kosten flexisyn rabatt online free seroquel nebenwirkungen+haarausfall rabatt nexium hersteller yasmin bestellen zonder recept sinemet generika erfahrungen kaufen micardis tabletten renagel generika preisvergleich casodex online bestellen wien ophthacare online bestellen buy himalaya diclofenac sodium price citalopram medikamente panikattacken billig rogaine 5 kirkland rogaine endep rabatt online apotheke aspirin tУМrkei kaufen premarin online bestellen nederland plavix generika apotheke viagra rezeptfrei vorkasse voltaren rabatt online dolo aciclovir tabletten bestellen uroxatral online apotheke valtrex preis the philippines motilium online apotheke juvalis imdur preis usa cleocin rezeptfrei usa actos online apotheke generic rabatt crestor kosten allopurinol preisvergleich pharma adalat online apotheke apni tv cialis kaufen original levitra kaufen in spanien noroxin generika apotheke billig tetracycline nebenwirkungen furosemide rezeptfrei mg was kostet levitra auf rezept tulsi rabatt online pot liv 52 rabatt online free bupropion sr rezeptfrei and weight loss finasterid durchschnittliche kosten mg ashwagandha bestellen aciclovir creme preisvergleich allopurinol preis aldara online bestellen kУЖp flonase generika schweiz kaufen billig viagra per УМberweisung nitrofurantoin-ratiopharm und pille rabatt erythromycin ointment glucovance durchschnittliche kosten implantat benzac online apotheke schweiz lady era preis laura fluoxetine price usa billig bupropion sr lawsuit zyloprim online apotheke juvalis dapoxetine medikamente enthalten alesse generika viagra kosten lasik uniklinik frankfurt fml forte pille colirio prospecto rogaine 5 generika nedir billig proscar nebenwirkungen confido durchschnittliche kosten implantat motilium online apotheke yokebe orlistat online bestellen nz protonix generika deutschland clomid zelf kopen epivir-hbv rezeptfrei italien femcare preis risperdal generika bupropion sr verkauf to quit smoking aceton kaufen berlin voveran online bestellen vergleich billig lady era rowena nizoral online apotheke deutschland voltaren resinat 20 kapseln preis tulasi pille vergessen flexisyn online apotheke wien minomycin pille kosten nitrofurantoin prevacid rezeptfrei niederlande bupropion sr bestellen naltrexone saw palmetto online bestellen uk citalopram rabatt online cheapest benicar rezeptfrei niederlande finast rabatt online bupropion sr rezeptfrei uses billig bupropion sr xl cialis zu kaufen prandin preis paxil online apotheke buy speman online bestellen purchase lotrisone generika zulassung antabuse rezeptfrei frankreich zyrtec rabatt online pharmacy anacin online bestellen buy kosten aldactone kaufen finast generika tУМrkei colchicine online bestellen purchase billig liv 52 ebay rabatt cafergot dosage remeron rezeptfrei gУМnstig effexor online bestellen prescription epivir hbv bestellen coupons rabatt crestor als cafergot generika liste billig saw palmetto zalety betnovate online apotheke ointment carbozyne generika zoll charboleps online bestellen brahmi online bestellen dvd hydrea durchschnittliche kosten implantat dramamine durchschnittliche kosten lebensmittel prednisone online apotheke cheapest voltaren salbe rezeptfrei terramycin rezeptfrei wien melatonin rezeptfrei niederlande urispas preisvergleich yokebe baclofen price street kaufen billig viagra zollfrei atorlip-5 online bestellen nederland xenical bestellen angebote flomax rezeptfrei italien colospa rezeptfrei gУМnstig plavix generika tУМrkei slim tea online bestellen belly betnovate online apotheke pharmacy fluoxetine preis qm billig lady era lake fl venlor rezeptfrei wo tretinoin salbe kaufen calcium carbonate medikamente and water kaufen billig hoodia online neurontin preisvergleich ethionamide generika mentat rabatt online rizact generika zulassung kaufen billig endep verkaufen tamoxifen generika zulassung billig slimming tea xs zofran price walmart actos online apotheke publicaУЇУЃo lamisil once billig aricept rabatt online buying nitrofurantoin preisvergleich imitrex online bestellen pharmacy liv 52 rabatt online kaufen bupropion sr preis you gain weight entocort online bestellen online slimming tea preisvergleich long cyklokapron preisvergleich arava medicine price diflucan pfizer price noroxin medikamente liste emsam rezeptfrei wien lopid rezeptfrei wien beconase aq preisvergleich long term use alavert generika indien youtube urispas rabatt online berechnen cialis rezeptfrei erfahrungen kaufen avodart wirkstoff kosten rogaine 5 years billig bupropion sr vs er seroquel online apotheke a prescription adalat online apotheke episode 263 hoodia rabatt online order tulasi pille online billig eldepryl allegra pille online styplon online bestellen gУМnstig lamisil 250 mg tabletten preis bupropion sr verkauf high mentat online bestellen online paroxetine rezeptfrei holland ceftin generika zulassung tulasi online bestellen dalam novel orlistat bestellen nederland furosemide durchschnittliche kosten qm voltaren 100 mg rezeptfrei kaufen billig xalatan ohne rezept myambutol online bestellen xenos rogaine 2 rezeptfrei allegra preis jahreswagen voveran rabatt online shop gyne-lotrimin generika indien youtube prometrium online apotheke juvalis methotrexate durchschnittliche kosten implantat lasix rabatt online furosemide buy neurontin online bestellen vergleich kaufen billig feldene im bentley pillen beconase aq medikamente what does preisvergleich zofran 8mg kaufen feldene quick solve billig hoodies chloramphenicol rezeptfrei cleocin piller kaufen bupropion sr zinc undecylenate kosten saw palmetto deutsch kosten atorlip 20 side effects lozol online bestellen vergleich venlor pille tofranil generika rezeptfrei bentyl rezeptfrei frankreich keftab online apotheke deutschland bupropion sr bestellen versus xl probalan generika indien china baclofen preise augmentin rezeptfrei usa keppra nebenwirkungen haut oxytrol online bestellen order grifulvin v rezeptfrei otc gyne lotrimin preis dosage kaufen uroxatral yasmin bestellen gУМnstig arava preisvergleich yokebe femara rabatt online order wie sieht eine viagra pille aus grifulvin v rezeptfrei reviews trial erection packs preis orlistat bestellen rezeptfrei seroquel durchschnittliche kosten fУМhrerschein big appeal medikamente build calcium carbonate medikamente tablets neurontin medikamente mg kapseln trial erection packs bestellen famvir preisvergleich yokebe forzest rezeptfrei wo keppra best price purim online bestellen ikea kaufen tretinoin apotheke billig robaxin kaufen confido durchschnittliche kosten lebensmittel paxil online apotheke cheapest rogaine 2 pille generic strattera 60 mg preis kaufen billig diclofenac rezeptfrei billig ampicillin katze amitriptyline rezeptfrei frankreich meclizine generika indien youtube nitrofurantoin nebenwirkungen pille keppra lУЖsung preis ophthacare rezeptfrei wien billig venlor unterkunft bupropion sr verkauf vs wellbutrin clindamycin online bestellen buy flexisyn generika tabelle malegra online apotheke fxt caverta durchschnittliche kosten lebensmittel cytotec generika zulassung calcium carbonate medikamente jordan tulsi rabatt online extract tulasi rezeptfrei niederlande floxin online bestellen vergleich rogaine 5 medikamente opinie rabatt dapoxetine kaufen rabatt ayurslim review pristiq medikamente mixing slim tea rabatt online fit fluoxetine medikamente und andere orlistat online apotheke diet pills bactroban kosten rabatt plaquenil alkohol kaufen epivir hbv effects benemid pille online alli orlistat bestellen zyvox generika erfahrungen imitrex online apotheke generic ralista bestellen menosan salvia kaufen imdur rezeptfrei usa viagra pille qlaira bupropion sr medikamente and weight loss liponexol preisvergleich yokebe xeloda preisvergleich yokebe bentyl pille vergessen bupropion sr preis used rumalaya durchschnittliche kosten qm celebrex online bestellen xenos cozaar generika zulassung clomid online bestellen nederland fluoxetine preis avodart rabatt online cheap bupropion sr bestellen high dulcolax online apotheke nz calcium carbonate verkauf light kaufen nexium bjs lynoral preis doxycycline pille taken billig nolvadex triamcinolon injektion preis citalopram rabatt online ordering mycelex-g generika deutschland billig lady era joven mycelex-g online bestellen schweiz hytrin generika zulassung viagra pillen apotheek differin durchschnittliche kosten lebensmittel styplon online apotheke niederlande desyrel pille qlaira lariam tabletten kopen dapoxetin online bestellen rezeptfrei cialis rezeptfrei seriУЖs skelaxin pille online diflucan rezeptfrei schweiz aleve rezeptfrei usa rabatt cytoxan regimen adalat generika tУМrkei prednisolone online apotheke mims bupropion sr verkauf effets secondaires epivir-hbv generika indien caverta online apotheke schweiz benzac online apotheke deutschland periactin rezeptfrei gУМnstig dramamine generika indien china bupron sr online apotheke niederlande slim tea rabatt online buy ceftin generika tУМrkei prograf rezeptfrei holland actoplus generika indien youtube nebenwirkungen citalopram beim absetzen levitra kosten apotheke renagel rabatt online apotheke kaufen bupropion nebenwirkungen kaufen risperdal nebenwirkungen kosten avodart einnahme beconase aqueous preisvergleich hanburys cialis rezeptfrei spanien kaufen ciprofloxacin price philippines kaufen billig zocor ohne rezept flagyl er rabatt online kaufen bupropion sr pille tab 150mg bupropion sr bestellen tablet doxycyclin heumann pille levitra generika indien kaufen billig fluoxetine fass rabatt tulasi wiki diovan online apotheke cheap actos online bestellen online kaufen fml forte use prograf rezeptfrei biaxin preis usa midamor online apotheke holland preis von ciprofloxacin actoplus durchschnittliche kosten tulasi pille danach isoniazid pille danach endep online apotheke ausland adalat rabatt online desirulez rogaine 2 pille week kosten liv 52 ebay lariam durchschnittliche kosten per pil top avana rezeptfrei niederlande colospa rezeptfrei lУЄnder top avana pille aygestin online bestellen xenos aldara 5 rezeptfrei dapoxetine preis grifulvin v bestellen coupon bupropion sr pille get you high lipothin online bestellen ikea rogaine 5 medikamente preis bupropion sr preis xl difference rabatt valentins micardis durchschnittliche kosten lebensmittel maxalt rabatt online free tinidazole online bestellen xxl azulfidine online bestellen nederland augmentin online apotheke buying rogaine 5 generika foam zanaflex online apotheke testsieger rogaine 5 medikamente liquid billig slim tea nutri-leaf big appeal rezeptfrei splash oxytrol medikamente xalatan rabatt online kaufen crestor kaufen apotheke lasix rabatt online delivery advair kaufen erexin-v rezeptfrei italien phenergan rezeptfrei schweiz beconase aq verkauf mexico paroxetine online apotheke cheapest kaufen pyridium deutschland augmentin online apotheke canada billig rogaine 5 foam minoxidil billig terramycin kaufen eldepryl online apotheke yokebe endep online apotheke xls medical ginseng pille online rabatt cardura farmaco kosten rogaine 5 does it work kaufen billig cytotec lotensin rezeptfrei wo kaufen risperdal consУЉquences was kostet levitra in der apotheke dapoxetine online bestellen viagra rabatt big appeal hmrc altace online apotheke xanten grifulvin v rezeptfrei online kaufen billig slim tea hong avana online apotheke yokebe brahmi generika hersteller beconase aqueous preisvergleich hay fever kaufen minomycin akne citalopram durchschnittliche kosten fУМhrerschein prometrium online apotheke seroquel preis schweiz kaufen billig viagra in УЖsterreich zyrtec rabatt online australia preis allopurinol 300 rabatt avodart medikament unisom online apotheke buy grifulvin v bestellen susp septilin rezeptfrei niederlande kaufen neurontin alkohol shatavari verkauf diakonie rabatt myambutol generika schweiz billig vermox bestellen mircette durchschnittliche kosten lipothin online bestellen schweiz doxazosin rezeptfrei schweiz bupropion sr verkauf cost diflucan price egypt kaufen billig sildalis zyban durchschnittliche kosten mit rezept yougara pille fucidine kaufen ohne rezept azulfidine bestellen rabatt isoptin ichs effexor pille vergessen renagel online apotheke micardis generika indien plus xalatan rabatt online rogaine 5 generika erfahrungen zocor rabatt online kaufen aceon lУЖsungsmittel purim online bestellen reading tinidazole preis kosten saw palmetto quamtrax betapace durchschnittliche kosten lebensmittel ventolin preisvergleich peni large online apotheke holland lasuna rezeptfrei online cozaar rezeptfrei bestellen lipitor rezeptfrei italien eulexin online bestellen gУМnstig saw palmetto verkauf breast enlargement clonidine generika suche lukol generika indien youtube seroquel online apotheke juvalis bupropion sr medikamente versus xl silvitra pille online minocycline durchschnittliche kosten qm plavix 75 mg generika zyprexa online bestellen buy generic rabatt glucophage wirkung ophthacare rezeptfrei wo saw palmetto online bestellen rotterdam gyne lotrimin preis mycelex clotrimazole billig bupron sr price zetia online apotheke deutschland atorlip-10 rezeptfrei bestellen imdur online apotheke schweiz diabecon preisvergleich yokebe rogaine 5 preisvergleich works promethazine durchschnittliche kosten qm furosemide rabatt online mims femara generika hersteller forzest rezeptfrei schweiz rogaine 5 medikamente nebenwirkungen

Funny Vet

Buy the Books

From the Back Row by Dr. Dean Scott from FunnyVet.com
fpvetmedspread
Home
Oct 20
2015

Mr. Helpless

Posted by Dean Scott in Untagged 

Dean Scott

I'd like to relay a story.  A story about Mr. Helpless.  I don't know how Mr. Helpless operates in the rest of the world.  All I know is what I witnessed in the blessedly short time I got to experience his particular brand of expert impotence.  He appeared to be in his fifties, so, in retrospect, I can infer that the apparent feebleness he exhibited was a learned behavior.  And yet, not so old that you can blame his behavior on dementia or other mental diminishment.  He was able to drive a car to our clinic, thus demonstrating some cognitive capability.  Mr. Helpless had a large shepherd mix dog who had a prominently placed CAUTION on its chart and they were in to do a recheck of treating an ear infection.  I had not been the original doctor to see the ear infection.
Our exam room benches have the ability to bend physics.  Because, even though it seems like a finite and low-slung area, no matter how large the dog, they can fit under there.  It's like our version of a Tardis.  Mr. Helpless' dog, we'll call him Self-Help, has ensconced himself under such a bench.  My technician, who has indomitably braved the ignorant storms of previous Helpless visits, has gone in to get an ear cytology to start the exam process.  Even though asked, Mr. Helpless seems unable to generate enough energy to even try to get Self-Help out from under the bench.
As an aside, and maybe a little bit in defense of Mr. Helpless, this kind of behavior isn't that unusual amongst many clients.  Once in the clinic they seem to defer all actions to the veterinary staff.  They become unable to pull on a leash to bring a pet out from under or behind them.  Some clients seem to be unable to follow verbal cues such as "can you put this muzzle on?" or "I can't reach him when he's behind your legs.  Could you move or bring him around so I can reach him?" They just stare at you with blissful bovine unawareness.  Now that I think about it, many parents seem to do this when they have their children out in public too. There might be a corollary here.
Anyway, back to the action!  Or inaction in this case.  My technician decided wisely to just circumvent frustration and get me.  I entered the room and got the same non-response from Mr. Helpless about getting Self-Help out from under the bench.  He just sat there like an languid, supine Jabba the Hutt.  Now, having had before to awkwardly reach for (non-biting) pets, under a bench, and between the spread legs of owners sitting on said bench like I'm performing some weird New Age birthing delivery, I was not inclined on this day, with this dog, to do that.  So, I asked Mr. Helpless to give me the leash and I think I might have seen a finger twitch in response, some vestigial synaptic reflex, but basically had to just take the leash out of his hand.  Out came Self-Help, but it was like pulling a full bucket out of a deep well.  We got the muzzle on without incident and I asked a question that I would soon come to regret.  "How have the ears seemed to you?  Are they better?"
This seemed to rouse Mr. Helpless from his stupor, "Well, I don't know!  My wife treats 'em!  You want me to get her on the phone?"
Before I could decline, because to a large extent it was just a conversational gambit, he whipped his phone out with unexpected alacrity (getting someone else to do something even as simple as answering a question is the only thing he does quickly).  He put her on speaker phone and set it on the exam table, yelling, "Hey!  I'm here at the vet's!  He wants to know if the ears are better!"
"What?!" Mrs. Helpless' voice crackled out of the speaker.
"THE DOCTOR WANTS TO KNOW IF THE EARS ARE BETTER!"
"What?! *crackle* I can't *crackle* *crackle* hear you!"
This went on for a bit before Mr. Helpless picked up the phone and held the speaker horizontally up to his mouth, "THE DOCTOR WANTS TO KNOW IF THE EARS ARE BET-TER!"
"Yes, I can hear you better!"
This "conversation" continued and at this point I just really didn't care.  After he got off the phone (and I can't remember what the ultimate answer was) he told me she's not present because she doesn't like to come out in the rain.  I felt like telling him that there is a long tradition of owners sending ill-equipped and uninformed surrogates to deal with sometimes very serious health problems with their pets.  I can't imagine over in pediatrics (our closest analog) that anyone asks their neighbor or an aunt from another state to take their kid in for a visit.  Maybe they do.
We looked in the ears, got an ear swab, and removed the muzzle.  Upon removing the muzzle, Mr. Helpless suddenly remembered to ask, "Hey, can I go ahead and get a heartworm test?"
Thus upholding yet another long tradition of having to remuzzle difficult dogs because the owner really isn't paying attention and aren't inclined to let us know in any efficient manner what they are there for.  I've even had it where I have asked owners specifically, "Is there anything else we need to look at or talk about before we remove the muzzle?  Anything?  Anything at all?  Bueller?  Bueller?  Nothing.  We have discussed everything that needs to be discussed and we don't have to do anything else with Dahmer here?  You're sure?  Ok."  And then, as if they're clicker-trained, the snap release of the muzzle makes them abruptly remember to bring up the tiniest lump ever that they just noticed while they were waiting in the lobby.
We find out Self-Help's ears are better but not completely cured.  I decide to just refill the ear meds the previous doctor had prescribed for a longer time course. Unfortunately, we are out of the oral meds he had also been put on.  I told Mr. Helpless that they will be in this week; we can call him when they come in.  He declared, with an outraged and accusatory tone, that this will cause a "lack of continuity of care" and demands a written prescription.  I really have to appreciate this sudden empathy in the care of his dog that he takes no part in.
He also had to call his wife, of course, to ask if they needed heartworm prevention.  All of this activity has just been exhausting for him and he handed the phone to the technician so she could talk with his wife.  She also scheduled a recheck appointment because she said he'd just mess it up.
Finally!  Finally!  We get everything together.
To compound things, Mr. Helpless was unable to pay.  Mrs. Helpless, she of the aquaphobia, had to be called, again, to pay the bill.  She told the receptionist how worthless her husband was and how he can't get anything right.  Really?  And yet you send him to do tasks.  Just reschedule when it's not raining and come in yourself.  Please!  Besides, you have no right to complain; you picked him.  You looked at all of those other viable, available male options and said, "Nope.  He's the one.  He's my forever-husband."  What does that say about the other choices you had?  How bad could they have been in comparison?
Now, I've given you, the reader, the short version.  On a Saturday morning, this one appointment, he was in our clinic for an hour-and-a-half.  For an ear recheck. And a heartworm test.  So, when people complain about having to wait, just remind them there is a whole clan of Helpless people out there.  It is not the fault of the veterinarian or their staff; you are doing the best with what you're given.  If a client asks, feel free to give them the phone number and address of these Helpless people so they can complain to them.
As a side note, his "continuity of care" concern became a non-issue once he took the written prescription in and found out how much the medication was.  He called back irate (seems he has plenty of energy for that) about how much it was and wanted to know how much our cost was (less, of course) and decided to wait until we got the medication in.

Aug 08
2015

Tales From The Vet School

Posted by Dean Scott in Untagged 

Dean Scott

This will be a new section for the blog that will tell (hopefully) funny stories from vet school.  Now, granted, these are my stories, but I would like to invite you to share your own funny stories.  Feel free to send me a story you'd like to share at toonfull@aol.com and be sure to give me permission to reprint it and you may see it show up here.

So.  My only defense for this story is to say that if the professors want us to pay rapt attention to what they have to say, then they need to make their subject more interesting.  Now, as far as I'm concerned, this should mean more cartoons.  Barring that, they need to break up the tedium and punch up their material, because a lot of classes are mind-numbing to the point of being criminally coma-inducing.  They make you want to pull your own plug.  I mean, really, if your students are all unconscious, they're not learning anyway.  I'm not even sure what class this subject came up in.  I have to assume it had to do with birds, but knowing the way my mind works (or doesn't work depending on your viewpoint) that's not necessarily so.  Anyway, in an effort to entertain itself while the professor nattered on, my brain came up with a list of funny terms for bird waste.  Not content to just amuse myself (see, it started all the way back in vet school!) I passed the list around the class and, in usual fashion, people added their own ideas to the list until it finally cycled back around to me.  Feel free to use this kind of idea in your own classes in those critical times when you're hanging on to sanity by your last nail-bitten fingertips.  Here is the well thought-out and researched complete list of terms for bird waste by the fine people of the UC Davis graduating class of 1993.

Carrion Crap
Turkey Turds
Ostrich Ooze
Chicken Chunks
Penguin Popscicles
Parrot Precipitate
Parrot Pyramids
Canary Crap
Dove Doo
Pelican Piles
Macaw Manure
Lovebird Lumps
Eagle Egress
Lark Litter
Conure Crud
Budgie Blips
Kiwi Cookies
Seagull Sauce
Cuckoo PooPoo
Pigeon Patties
Chicken Stew
Turkey Trots
Flamingo Foie Gras
Goose Guano

And my personal favorite: Psittacine Pshit.  I'm sure there would have been more, but class ended.

Jun 18
2015

Honest Prescriptions

Posted by Dean Scott in Untagged 

Dean Scott

The idea for this blog came from the idea "What if we wrote prescription labels not how medication should be given, but by how clients really do give them?"  So, below are some of the ones I came up with as seen applied in real life.  Have ones of your own?  Drop me a note at toonfull@aol.com.  Enjoy!

heartworm prevention rx

insulin rx copy

  • «
  •  Start 
  •  Prev 
  •  1 
  •  2 
  •  3 
  •  4 
  •  5 
  •  6 
  •  7 
  •  8 
  •  9 
  •  10 
  •  Next 
  •  End 
  • »
zip_iggy
"Please Support our website. We need to eat."
- Zip and Iggy
thewinkinglab-sm
Eileen the Winking Lab says:
"Good to see you! Thanks for coming!"
SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Join Our Newsletter